A Bind to Nothing
by Tantrum
Summary: Join Link's son Bind as he seeks a journey to place him among legends. Sure to have Zelda players laughing (at least I hope).


Disclaimer: I do not own a mouse, I do not own a house… I do not own Zelda, so Nintendo please don't have a hernia and sue me. Thank you.  
  
Welcome Zelda gaming fans, this fic is sure to make you laugh, I dedicate this piece to my sister who is WAY too obsessed for her own good.  
  
A Bind to Nothing  
  
-------------------  
  
In the legendary land of Hyrule  
  
There lives a legendary man  
  
Who was once a legendary boy  
  
Who now has a legendary boy  
  
Which legend stateswould become legendary.  
  
We start our legendary adventure  
  
In Hyrule castle town  
  
Where the legendary Princess Zelda lives.  
  
Bind, Link's son has gone through legendary training  
  
By his legendary father.  
  
But to the legendary child's dismay  
  
Ganon, the legendary King of thieves  
  
Was vanquished to the legendary Sacred Realm.  
  
There was no turmoil in Hyrule  
  
But legends say that there would be…  
  
Chapter 1: Turmoil at the Gates  
  
"Bind wake up, you're so lazy!" cried Midge.  
  
Bind wakes up and looks around the palace bedroom his friend Midge standing in front of him. His name suited him for he was short and skinny, almost insect like.  
  
"Your father would like to see you," said Midge, "I think it was something about a mission. I think you know what that means…"  
  
"Not again, I brought the milk from the ranch in yesterday!" Bind complained.  
  
Bind looked down the hallway and started to walk. The hall was long as it had a red carpet and Iron knight suits and pictures. He walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked, took a breather… and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked, and walked. Finally reaching the end of the hall and into the courtyard Bind saw his father Link standing there waiting for him.  
  
"What took you so long?" questioned the boy's father.  
  
"What do you think? Is it really necessary to have the castle so big father, I mean we are only a few people living here!" Bind complained.  
  
"This is royalty, having big things is a sign of your greatness!" Link said.  
  
"Didn't you teach me more is less?" Bind asked.  
  
"Did I, well… not in the case of royalty." Stated Link.  
  
"Do I really have to fetch the milk?" Complained Bind.  
  
"Yes son, you know it's good exercise. It'll keep you strong and healthy."  
  
"It couldn't hurt for you to take a few jogs yourself…" mumbled Bind.  
  
It's true the great legendary swordsman Link, not fighting anyone in a long time has gotten a bit chubby. It was hard to believe that he had once slain Ganon.  
  
"Go get the milk!" Link barked.  
  
Bind left the castle and walked through the town with Midge. The town was crowded, as usual. The blacksmith selling automatic cross bow, the potion shop selling vaccinations, the car rental leasing vehicles the normal thing. Midge cheered Bind up by saying that his father cared for him that is why he yelled at him to get exercise. Bind held his breath as he went toward the gates. The guards began to chuckle.  
  
"Hey Bind," laughed a guard, "going off to help protect us from the evil Osteoporosis. Jeez, I can't even lay a hand on him, you best be careful!"  
  
They all started to laugh hysterically and one started to act out his death as he yelled, "'O I'm dying, Osteoporosis got me, run for your lives!"  
  
Ignoring them like they always do they leave the Market and headed for Bon-Bon Ranch. As they were walking down the path a wagon carrying a coffin in it passed by. A voice that sounded like the guard earlier was yelling out of the coffin, his voice muffled.  
  
"You idiots, I'm not dead…I was acting… let me out of here!" It cried.  
  
After entering the ranch Bind went into the house to pick up the supply. The girl and man inside the house were sitting down but stood up when Bind entered. The girl gave Bind the wheelbarrow of milk. The man noticed Bind's friend.  
  
"Well I've never seen you before what's your name?" Asked the man.  
  
"My name's Midge, what's yours?" Midge responded.  
  
"I'm Tellon" Replied the man.  
  
"WHAT…All I did was ask your name!" Yelled Midge  
  
"And I told you, I'm Tellon!" The man said impatiently.  
  
"For what, I didn't do anything wrong!" Midge yelled. "It was all Bind he did it!"  
  
The man walked away and mumbled to Bind, 'your friend is crazy.'  
  
The girl came up to Midge and greeted him in her Swedish accent.  
  
"Pleased to meet you Midge. I'm a' Mellon."  
  
"YOU'RE A WHAT?" Midge yelled.  
  
"I'm a' Mellon…are we hard a' hearing?"  
  
"Are on crack? You think you're a melon?"  
  
"We've got to go," interrupted Bind. "It's getting late."  
  
Midge talked to Bind on the way back but he wasn't paying attention. Pushing the cart Bind sighed, he wished that Ganon would take over Hyrule so he could fight him.  
  
All of a sudden a corny song began to play it sounded like, 'when you wish upon a star.' Bind got on his knees and said.  
  
" Star light, star bright, first star I seen tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight," The song started to grow stronger as he thought, I wish I could fight Ganon.  
  
"What are you doing?" Midge asked, freaked out, the song scratched like a record skipping. "You're making a wish upon a star…in the AFTERNOON?" Bind then realized his error.  
  
When they got back to Hyrule he noticed something was wrong, monsters walked the street: Zombies, mummies, Hilary Clinton, you get the idea, Were all taking over the Market place. The palace was now a more sinister looking figure. Bind charged forward and attempted to smash through the gates to get to the castle. The monster guarding the gate asked, 'What are you doing?', and attacked. Bind socked the monster and climbed a ladder that went over the gate and allowed Bind to charge at the castle, Bind stood in front of the castle and shouted. "Ganon if you're in there come out you coward come out and fight me!"  
  
The gate started to move and Bind stood his ground in front of the castle. Then it dawned on Bind that he was standing underneath where the gate was going to land and he jumped in the moat.  
  
All of a sudden everything was back to normal, and Bind saw Midge standing above him. Midge helped Bind out of the moat as a guard ran into the castle holding his head. Midge told Bind what happened. According to Midge, Bind got hit on the head and started going berserk and charged the castle.  
  
Midge was interrupted by Bind. "I sensed it in my blood and in my heart. Hyrule is in danger! I foresaw it right before my eyes, dark clouds rolled into Hyrule. But then a light shot from the distance and came charging to save it. It was a shadowy figure that looked like me followed by a fairy carrying a stone!"  
  
"What are you talking about? You nearly killed that guard!"  
  
"You trust me don't you? My prophecies have never been wrong before!"  
  
"You've never made a prophecy in your life!"  
  
"Well…that means I've never been wrong."  
  
Then an owl interrupted, "HOOT! HOOT! Young lad with the visions of darkness, your prediction of Hyrule's destiny is true…"  
  
To Be Continued  
  
So how was it, please review, and flame if you'd like. I'm open to any comments good or bad, that's what reviews are for. (I got the name Bind because it is a synonym for Link. Midge, a synonym for insect.) 


End file.
